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Forever Missing You - Mom December 20, 2007
I Hold an Angel in my Heart
A child is a gift
from the Heavenly Father
That comes with many
moments of Love.
But what you think
you'll hold for a lifetime
may one day
soar to the Heaven's above.
So, I sit tonight
longing to hold you
I just can't hold back my tears
There were many beautiful moments with you
Oh, just not enough years.

I miss you every second of every day Brandon.

Some people only dream of Angels ...
I hold one in my heart.
Forever Loving you - Mom December 20, 2007
I hope I hugged you then
My Precious Brandon,

The greatest Blessing in my life is you.
I cried with joy at the moment of your birth.
Your first smile was such a sign of love.
I hope I hugged you then.

When you fell down trying your first step,
I hope I hugged you then.
When you said Mama
I hope I hugged you then.

As your eyes lit up seeing your first Christmas tree,
I hope I hugged you then.
The day you started school and looked so scared,
I hope I hugged you then.

When a friend made you feel bad,
I hope I hugged you then.
After I had to make you behave,
I hope I hugged you then.

When a lot of your requests were denied,
I hope I hugged you then.
When you asked things about life,
I hope I hugged you then.

When you did something really good or bad,
I hope I hugged you then.
Before God took you from me,
I wish I could have hugged you one more time.
Forever Brandon's Mom December 20, 2007
I Am So Tired. . .
I Am So Tired. . .

I am tired of crying for my child.
I am tired of being depressed.
I am tired of longing for my child.
I am tired of not being happy.
I am tired of telling people that my son is dead.
I am tired of my son being dead.
I am tired of not being able to remember what joy feels like.
I am tired of being angry.
I am tired of feeling guilty.
I am tired of missing my son.
I am tired of being told that it is a blessing to have an angel in heaven.
I am tired of being misunderstood.
I am tired of having to explain myself when I am depressed.
Again, I am tired of being depressed.
I am so tired of death.
I am tired of grieving.
I am tired of grief.
I am tired of asking why.
I am tired of not getting an answer.
I am tired of having to learn to live without my son.
I am tired of being indirectly told to "get over it".
I am tired of re-living the morning of my son’s death over and
I am tired (and sad and angry) of not being able to remember...
every moment of his life.
I am tired of being tired.

I just want my son back.
Forever Brandon's Mom December 20, 2007
100 Days


100 days of Missing You
100 days of Loving You
100 days of Honoring You
100 days of Tears for You
100 days of Missed I Love You's
100 days of Heartbreak
100 days with no Hello
100 days without Your Beautiful Smile
100 days of Remembering the joy you brought to my life
100 days of Sadness
100 days of Pain
100 days of Rage
100 days of Guilt
100 days without you, My Loving Son.


written by Sandy Beshada in Loving Memory of her son Brandon - July 9, 2007

Forever Brandon's Mom December 20, 2007
Mother and Child
The special bond of
Mother and Child
is written with Love on
their hearts and souls
and makes them a part
of each other
Forever Brandon's Mom December 20, 2007
No Idea what they have lost
Empty words
That don't touch the reality
That my life has become.

Walking through fog
Incredible pain
Searching for the beloved face
I crave to see
The voice that I strain to hear
over the noises
Of people who have no idea
Of what the world has lost.
Forever Brandon's Mom December 20, 2007
I hope you'll never have to know
I'm going to tell you something
I hope you'll never have to know.
I'll tell you how a heart can break
The tears a constant flow.

I lost my son you see,
An angel in my eyes
God chose to take his hand one day
And led him to the skies.

Please do not forget him
Or the wonderful young man he was.
Let him live forever
inside of me and you.

Please don't ever tell me
That time will heal my pain
Because not even time
Can bring him back again.

Just tell me he is happy
In that land way up above
That he's snuggled in an angels wings and can still feel this Mother's love.
Forever Loving you - Mom December 20, 2007
My Precious Son
My Precious Son

You were so full of life,
Your smile could brighten anyone's day,
Life loved you being a part of it.

You could make anyone laugh,
If they were having a bad day.
No matter how sad I was,
You could always take my hurt away.

But God decided he needed you,
So from this world you left.
But you took a piece of me with you,
My heart is what you kept.

The hurt I feel from losing you will never go away.
And I know everyday for the rest of my life,
I'll forever be loving and missing you.
Forever Missing You - Mom December 20, 2007
I Wonder


I wonder ...

Are you free of pain?
Are you alive and well on the 'other side'?
Are you happy?
Do you know how much I love you?
Are you lonely and scared?
Do you call my name and I don't hear you?
Do you know how much I miss you?
Have you met new friends in heaven?
Can you hear me when I talk to you?
Can you feel my love for you?
Do you know how Proud I am to be your Mom?
Do you know that I always thought of you as my Hero, my protector?
Do you know what an incredible son you were?
Do you know how loved you are?
Do you know how many lives you touched?
Do you know how scared I am? How hard it is to live without you?
Will you remember me when I see you again?
Will you be waiting for me?
Will you send me a sign that you are ok?
Will you come and visit me in my dreams?

I wonder ... Why you had to leave me so soon.


written by Sandy Beshada in Loving memory of her son Brandon - May 23, 2007

Forever Brandon's Mom December 20, 2007
Mother's Day Poem


When I awoke this morning
I asked myself
How will I get through this day, Mother's Day,

As I dress and prepare to start my day
I wonder
How will I go on, this day every day

As the day begins to slip away
I remember how you always made me smile
on Mother's Day and all my days.
But today is different, I do not smile
for this Mother's Day I must celebrate

At the end of the day
As I prepare to close my eyes
I'll know in my HEART
That I couldn't have gotten through this day
This first Mother's Day


submitted by Sandy, Forever Brandon's Mom on my First Mother's Day without my sweet son Brandon. May 13, 2007

Forever Loving you - Mom December 20, 2007

Aunt Sheryl LaBarge December 20, 2007

When you feel a gentle breeze
Caress you when you sigh
It's a hug sent from Brandon,
From Heaven way up high.

If a soft and tender raindrop
Lands upon your nose
Brandon added a small kiss
As fragile as a rose.

If a song you hear fills you
With a feeling of sweet love
It's a hug sent from Heaven
From our special Angel up above.

If you awaken in the morning
To a bluebird's chirping song
It's music sent from Heaven
To cheer you all day long.

If tiny little snowflakes
Land upon your face
It's a hug sent from Heaven
Trimmed with Angel Lace
Forever Loving you - Mom December 20, 2007
I'll never forget the day
Brandon -

I'll never forget the day
My life was turned upside down
I couldn't breathe
I didn't know what to say
My tears fell to the ground

I wasn't ready for you to go
To claim your place in heaven
Where the streets are paved with gold
Where the river of life flows
A place where life truly begins

You are not only my Son
But my best friend
A bond no other could ever compare
A connection that can never be severed
My love for you will never end

But the pain runs so deep within
Pouring through the hole in my heart
A hole that can never be filled
A place I save for you
Until we meet again
In heaven where we will never be apart
Ever again

Until then I will keep you in my dreams
I will hold you in my heart
I will never give up hope
As hard as it seems
For I know that we will be together again
Forever Missing You - Mom December 20, 2007
Morning comes and you’re not here
Morning comes and you’re not here
I listen for your voice, not one word is said.
I begin my day missing you, not knowing what to say or do.
I look into the mirror only to see sadness upon my face,
The day has ended with God’s grace.

Tears begin as I lay still in my bed,
Thoughts of you tumbling in my head.
I weep, until I fall to sleep.

Morning comes and you’re not here ...

I go to sleep each night and you’re not tucked in your bed ...
Forever Brandon's Mom December 20, 2007
Missing Brandon
The stillness of the morning wakes me,
How can the world begin another day
When my son's not here with me.

This house feels strangely silent
His room, a lonely place
I long to touch his soft brown hair
And kiss his handsome face.

I'll never get to hear him call out
"Mom, Is dinner ready!"

I'm only left with memories.
Please God--don't let them fade.

Deep in my heart, his spirit lives
His laughter, I'll still hear
He'll forever be my loving son
Though I can't hold him near.
Forever Missing You - Mom December 20, 2007
Still My Brightest Star
There is an old belief that the stars shining in the night sky are the spirits of those who have gone before us.

They have shed their earthly bodies and exchanged them for bodies made of light; thousands upon thousands of our dear departed loved ones all promoted to glory in the night sky.

There is another saying that the brightest flame burns the shortest.

Brandon, You are the brightest star in my universe.

While I burn on, my flame dimmed by grief and despair at your passing, the stars are watching me.

They are too far away for me to touch, just as you have gone somewhere I cannot follow until my own star-time comes.

They cannot be held close for comfort, just as I can no longer hold you close.

We were together for such a short time, but the stars will burn forever.

One day when my own star-time comes, my spirit will soar into the sky to burn beside you.

Until then, my flame burns low and dim and cold without you.

Through my tears I look upwards to see if you are watching me, hoping you can feel the love I send to you.
Forever Missing You - Mom December 20, 2007
Missing You
Missing You

No words I write can ever say,
How much I miss you everyday.
As time goes by the loneliness grows,
How I miss you...nobody knows.
I think of you in silence,
I often speak your name.
But all I have are memories,
And photos in a frame.
No one see's me weep each day.
The love I have for you,
Is in my heart and is mine to keep.
Deep inside my heart,
You are with me still.
Heartaches in this world are many,
But mine is worse than any.
My heart still aches as I whisper low, "I need you....and miss you so."
Forever Loving you - Mom December 20, 2007

My Sweet Brandon -
You are somebody that everybody knows
Wherever you are is where everyone goes
And I can't help but think about what I do now
Will I see you someday, will I find you somehow

The night follows day, the moon in the sky
The world keeps on turning and no one knows why
It goes and it comes it comes and it goes
Which ever direction nobody knows

Our times together though cut short were precious and dear
However it happened just may never be clear
I'm here but your gone I don't understand
But your leading the way always holding my hand

The night is too black those times I'm alone
The road seems to long, I wish you'd come home
And when the sun rises I look for you still
And then I remember and remember I will

The wind in the sails water covers the earth
The day of your birth and the day of your death
Mile after mile and after while the warmth of your heart
The shine of your smile they keep me going
The memories of love that's all I have left like the flight of a dove

Where are you now? Are you far, are you near?
Are you helping me live will you help make it clear
Wherever your going where ever you've been
Whomever you've known all of your friends

We all stand beside you we all love you still
We're missing you now and forever we will
We sing and we talk the world in our hands
We run and we walk while beside us you stand

For those who remain never let your love wait
When they're no longer here it's always too late
So we roll the days over again and again
And where we have ended, it's where we begin

And Yes -- stars they come and light -- yes they bring
The miracle of life a beautiful thing
We know not where we're goin' we just know where we've been
The days we shared together the memories that will never end.
Forever Missing You - Mom December 20, 2007

Why must I grieve silently,
When my heart is screaming so loudly ?
The emptiness I feel is consuming me,
Oh God, how I wish I were dreaming.
The silence around me is deafening,
For nobody knows what to say,
To comfort this agony I'm feeling,
Since my precious son Brandon went away.
And each day the sun continues to rise,
And the earth is still turning,
Though my world has come to a screeching halt,
No one can ease my yearning.
For a part of me has vanished,
And a part of my heart has died,
And no one can hear my heartache,
Or feel the turmoil I carry inside.
And I'll go on grieving silently,
And exist on a different plane,
And I'll keep my love for Brandon deep in my heart,
Until we see each other again
Forever Loving you - Mom December 20, 2007
Dear Brandon, my Sweet Boy

Dear Brandon, my Sweet Boy

I was nineteen years old,
when my life was filled with joy,
that’s when I heard the doctor say,
you have a baby boy.
Time stood still for me,
when I gazed upon your face,
and in a minute in my heart,
you had found your place.

The years rolled quickly past,
before I knew it you were grown,
then I had to let you go,
into this world out on your own.
Then time stood still once more
the day God called you home,
now my life is filled with pain,
and I feel so all alone.

When you were just a child,
I could always find a way,
to help when things went wrong,
and wipe your tears away.
But the strength I used to have,
when you were here with me,
no longer can be found,
all that's left is misery.

You made my life complete,
the bond we had was true,
now my tears they flow each day
and there’s nothing I can do.
There are people everywhere,
and this world keeps spinning round,
but since the day you went away,
true peace I haven’t found.

When I used to have my fears,
you would try to comfort me
and assure me with a smile,
And I still can hear you say,
"Mom, don’t worry, I’ll be okay."

I don't want to be here without you,
everyday is filled with pain,
I will never understand why God took you
and left me to remain.
I know you loved me too,
and if you were here today,
you would smile that crooked smile
and hug my tears away.
So I’ll hold on to the memories,
and I’ll try to carry on,
but inside I’ll always feel,
that part of me is gone.

Forever Missing You - Mom December 20, 2007
Silent Screams and Endless Tears
Silent Screams and Endless Tears

Tears that heal still hurt inside
Waves of grief like an ocean tide
This journey that is of the heart
Took life as I knew it...tore it apart

Each day begins and ends the same
No place to go with all this pain
Though others may think I'm healed
I have learned to keep it concealed

I silently scream but no one hears
As hours become days and somehow weeks
Not truly allowing myself to believe
That you are gone...I'm left to grieve

My mind so filled with disbelief
A life I live with so much grief
The questions that have plagued my mind
Answers I will never find

Nothing in life can save me from,
Feeling this heartache, feeling so numb
Life has become a new frontier
Of silent screams and endless tears

Oh how I miss you my sweet baby boy
Aunt Sheryl LaBarge December 20, 2007

It takes us back to brighter years,
to happier sunlit days
and to precious moments
that will be with us always.
And these fond recollections
are treasured in the heart
to bring us always close to those
from whom we had to part.
There is a bridge of memories
from earth to Heaven above...
It keeps our dear ones near us
It's the bridge that we call love.
~~Author Unknown
Poem from Heaven December 20, 2007


I give you this one thought to keep -
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone -
I am with you still - in each new dawn
~~ Author Unknown

Remembering you always Brandon
with smiles on our faces~
and tears in our hearts.

submitted by Aunt Sheryl LaBarge

Forever Brandon's Mom December 20, 2007
Finding My Way
Finding My Way

The newness of the pain fills my todays and tomorrows,
the loss of a child is the most painful of all sorrows.
I struggle to find the strength to face another day,
I look at pictures, remember his face and fall on my knees and pray.

I hear the same question over and over in my mind: Why?
I hide my face in my pillow, think of my son, my heart breaking as I cry.
I search for answer from books, as well as from God above.
I try to reach out to family and friends, for comfort and for love.

My arms once held this wonderful boy,
Oh, what I wouldn't give for just a few more seconds of joy.
How could I have known that he would leave before me?
This just isn't the way LIFE is supposed to be.

I am left to keep working through this grief.
He will always be my sunshine, his life here was way too brief.
I don't know how long this journey will last,
I try to look to the future, but long to stay in my past.

I remain missing him every minute of every day
Until I can join my son Brandon, for all Eternity.
Forever Loving you - Mom December 20, 2007
Heart Full of Memories
I have a heart full of memories
That's all I have left of you
Each one treasured fondly
With all the things
We used to do.

I have a beautiful angel
In heaven high above
A beautiful, loving angel
I was oh so blessed to love.

I miss you baby

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