Brandon Tyler Beshada

Four Candles For You Brandon

The first candle represents our grief.
The pain of losing you is intense.
It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.

This second candle represents our courage.
To confront our sorrow,
To comfort each other,
To change our lives.

This third candle we light in your memory.
For the times we laughed,
The times we cried,
The times we were angry with each other,
The silly things you did,
The caring and joy you gave us.

This fourth candle we light for our love.
We light this candle that your light will always shine.
Please shine your love down upon us, as we shine our love up to you.


We cherish the special place in our hearts
that will always be reserved for you.
We thank you for the gift
your living brought to each of us.

We love you.
We remember you.


Brandon - Although you were a grown man of 25, you will always be my sweet baby boy. You will always be the light of my life and now the brightest star in Heaven. Feel my arms embrace you as I reach to the Heavens to hold you. Feel the warmth on your cheek as I blow my kisses towards you. Feel the comfort of the never ending love I send to you each and every day.

Pennies From Heaven

I found a penny today
Just lying on the ground.
But it's not JUST a penny
This little coin I found.
Found Pennies come from Heaven
That's what my grandpa told me,
He said, "Angels toss them down",
Oh, how I love that story.
He said, "When angels miss you,
They toss a penny down.
Sometimes to cheer you up,
And make a smile out of a frown".
So don't pass by that penny,
When you're feeling blue,
It may be a penny from Heaven,
That Brandon tossed to you.

He Only Took My Hand

Last night while I was trying to sleep,
my son's voice I did hear,
I opened my eyes and looked around,
but he did not appear.

He said, "Mom, you've got to listen,
you've got to understand,
God didn't take me from you, mom,
He only took my hand.

When I called out in pain that day,
the moment that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
and pulled me to His side.

He pulled me up and saved me
From the misery and pain.
My body was hurt so badly,
I could never be the same.

My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within,
All the answers to my empty dreams
and all that might have been.

I love you all and miss you so,
And I'll always be nearby.
My body's gone forever,
But my spirit will never die.

And so, you must all go on now,
And live, and understand...
God did not take me from you,
He only took my hand."

Stood Beside Your Bed

I stood beside your bed last night,
I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying
quietly in your sleep.

I touched you softly
as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you,
I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast,
I watched you pour coffee,
You were thinking of how much
you longed to be with me.

I was with you at the store today,
Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels,
I wish I could do more.

I walked with you to the house,
as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my hand on you,
I smiled and said, "It's me."

You looked so very tired,
and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know,
that I was standing there.

It's possible for me to be
so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty,
"I never went away."

You sat there very quietly,
then smiled, I think you knew...
In the stillness of that evening,
I was very close to you.

The day is over... I smile and say
as I watch you yawning,
"Good night, God bless
I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you
to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you,
we'll stand side by side.

I have so many things to show you,
there's so much for you to see.
Be patient, live out your journey
then come home to be with me.

-Author Unknown

Brandon - I always search for signs from you everywhere I look - the butterfly that whispers past, the bird that chirps out back, the warmth of the sun upon my cheek, perhaps the wind against my back - I wonder if it's you. Those signs from you would be so nice but if its not to be, I know that you are here with me, you live inside my heart - now and forever.

I love you honey

Dear Brandon

Perhaps one day I’ll understand
Why God decided to take your hand
And lead you into Heaven above
surrounded by his tender love.

Never does a day pass by
that I don’t ask the question why?
Why did God take my precious son?
Was it something I had done?

I hope to face the Lord one day
and ask him why you couldn’t stay
on earth with those who loved you so,
those who wanted to see you grow.

I mourn for the things that will not be,
for the things with you, I'll never see.
the fun and games we'll never share,
for special times when you won't be there.

No more to see your smiling face,
Nothing will ever take its place,
In our hearts you will always stay,
While we await that 'One Sweet Day'.

That 'One Sweet Day' in Heaven above,
Where we will meet and affirm our love.
Once more my arms will hold you tight,
As in God's presence we'll reunite.

Until that day, We must live our lives
Ensuring each memory of you survives,
And feel your presence, ever near,
each time we shed each painful tear.

"See you in Heaven", you'll hear us say,
as you watch over us every day,
Then when our lives on earth are done
We know you'll be the one to come.

You'll take us gently by the hand,
and lead us to God's Heavenly land,
where all together we will be,
our, once more, happy family

Author unknown

To the sorrowful, I will never return
To the angry, I was cheated
But, to the happy, I am at peace
And to the faithful, I have never left

I cannot speak, but I can listen
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard
So as you stand upon the shore
Gazing at the beautiful sea, remember me
As you look in awe at a mighty forest
And its grand majesty, remember me

Remember me in your hearts,
In your thoughts, and the memories of the
Times we loved, the times we cried, the
Battle I fought and the times we laughed
For if you always think of me, I will
Have never gone

PLEASE, don't ask me if I'm over it yet.
I'll never be over it.
PLEASE, don't tell me he's in a better place.
He isn't here with me.
PLEASE, don't say at least he isn't suffering.
I haven't come to terms with why he had to suffer at all.
PLEASE, don't tell me you know how I feel,
unless you have lost a child. (and I pray that you have not)
PLEASE, don't ask me if I feel better.
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
PLEASE, don't tell me at least I had him for a little while.
When would you choose for your child to die?
PLEASE, don't tell me God never gives us more than we can bear.
PLEASE, just say you're sorry.
PLEASE, just say you remember my child, if you do.
PLEASE, just let me talk about him.
PLEASE, mention Brandon's name.
PLEASE, just let me cry.

When I left this world without you
I know it made you blue.
Your tears fell so freely,
I watched; I know this is true.

While you were weeping
Days after I passed away-
While all was silent within me,
I saw you kneel to pray.

From this wonderful place called heaven
Where all my pain is gone,
I send a gentle breeze to whisper,
"My loved ones, please go on"

The peace that I have found here
Goes far beyond compare
No rain, no clouds, no suffering-
Just LOVE from everywhere.

You need not be troubled
Just stay close to GOD in prayer
Someday we'll be reunited
My love, HIS love surrounds you always,
EVERYWHERE!

I Will See You Through

I know it was not easy,
for you to let him go,
but love like yours would not hold back,
your love to suffer so.
And so I took him quickly,
so he would never know,
a lengthy time of darkness,
that would distress him so.
I left his body here awhile,
so you could have some time,
to be prepared to let him go,
he was already Mine.
I bid him come while happy,
with joyous plans ahead,
and laughter in his face and heart,
and not one thought of dread.
You have the most to suffer,
your loneliness to bear,
but know that he is safe with Me,
within My loving care.
And never doubt My love for you,
I know you wonder why,
just know My strength will be your joy,
My love will never die.
I bore my son's own suffering,
and I will bear yours too,
give me your doubts and pain and hurt
and I will see you through.

~Author unknown

Brandon -
One month ago today
God called you home to rest
Didn't he know you finally got the Dr's appt
you hoped would ease your pain?
One week away, you could not stay
to see what might have been
the answer to your daily prayers
to stop your pain within

Or did he?

So many things unanswered ...

 

written by Sandy Beshada in Loving memory of her son Brandon - May 1, 2007

My Dearest Brandon

The day God sent you down to earth to be my loving Son
Brought tears of joy and happiness
A Love beyond compare

I held you in my arms so tight
And promised you the world
You looked at me with big bright eyes
As if to say I know
I took you home and loved you
watched you grow and grow and grow
You had such curiosity, for all things big and small
And before I knew it, it was time for you to crawl
You didn’t pause for a moment
There was much you had to see
I cried with joy at your first words
And more so when you walked
The pride I felt within my heart
A Mother only knows
The years they passed so quickly
You grew up oh so fast
Your teen years seemed to come and go
In the blink of just one eye
You wanted independence
There was just no holding back
You joined the service as a boy
to serve a Country you loved dearly
You emerged a man of great respect
Of that you were so proud
You made a home all on your own
And worked so hard it’s true
I know it was not easy
With your body in such pain
To come back home and have to let
Me care for you again
But I’m glad we had that time together
I only wish I could have helped you more
To see you in such misery
truly broke my heart

The day God sent his Angels down to take you home to rest
Brought tears of grief and disbelief
A Pain beyond compare

 

Sandy Beshada in Loving Memory of her son Brandon - May 2, 2007

I KNOW

I said, "God I hurt."
And God said, "I know."

I said, "God I cry a lot."
And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."

I said, "God I am so depressed."
And God said, "that is why I gave you sunshine."

I said, "God, life is so hard."
And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones."

I said, "God, my loved one died."
And God said, "So did mine."

I said, "God, it is such a loss."
And God said, "I saw mine nailed to a cross."

I said, "But God, your Loved One lives."
And God said, "So does yours."

I said, "God, where are they now?"
And God said, "Mine is on my right and yours is in the Light."

I said, "God it hurts."
And God said, "I know."
(Author Unknown)

Letting Go
Author Unknown

When I am gone, release me, let me go,
I have so many things to see and do.
You musn't tie yourself to me with tears,
Be happy that we had so many years.

I gave you my love,
You can only guess how much you gave me in happiness
I thank you for the love you have shown,
But now its time I traveled on alone.

So grieve a while for me, if you must,
Then let your grief be comforted by trust.
Its only for a while that we must part.
So bless the memories within your heart.

I wont be far away for life goes on,
So if you need me call, and I will come.
Though you can't see or touch me,
I'll be near and if you listen with your heart,
You'll hear all of my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way alone I'll greet you with a smile and say, "Welcome Home"

I'm Still Here

Mom, please don't mourn for me
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone but I'm always near.
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart.

I'll never wander out of your sight.
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach.
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.

I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.

I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring.
The first warm raindrop that April will bring.

I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.

When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
you can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze

I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face,
Just look for me, MOM, I'm everyplace!
~ Author Unknown

I said goodbye
When you left this earth too soon
You slipped away that quiet night into God's hands
Past the stars and sky and moon

I couldn't know what it would mean
The day I walked away
And realized I would not see your face
But I had no choice that day

Your spirit flew to Eternal joy
Past sunsets, clouds and rain
I tried so hard to tell myself
You were released from all that pain

Yet I cannot forget the young man
Who cared when others turned away
You brought the sunshine and the hope
That lightened up my day

Well, maybe you aren't here with me
You've gone where angels fly
But one day I'll find you forever more
And there will be no more sad goodbyes
~ Author unknown

BRANDON

My Pride, My Joy
My Baby Boy

My Sunshine, My Laughter
My Little Buddy

My Teacher, My Strength
My Fine Young Man

My Best Friend, My Protector
My Son

My Inspiration, My Life
My Angel

 

written by Sandy Beshada in Loving Memory of her son Brandon, April 27, 2007

Before I was a Mom -

I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom -

I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom –

I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Spit on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom -

I never held down a screaming child
so that doctors could do tests.
Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom -

I never held a sleeping baby
just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much.

Before I was a Mom.

After I was a Mom.
Being Brandon's Mom - What an Honor - those first few months of motherhood were amazing, and it just got more incredible as the years went by. The feeling of love for my son was overwhelming. I watched as he toddled through his early years with such curiosity for life, shared with him the joys and the sorrows of his teen years, his first broken heart, the Pride he and I felt the day he graduated basic training, the independence of adulthood and his first apartment. I watched him become a strong, hardworking, loving man. A man I was so very proud to call my Son.

PLEASE LET ME MOURN
(Author Unknown)

I've never lost a child before, and I don't
understand all these emotions I am feeling.
Will you try to understand and help me?
PLEASE LET ME MOURN

I may act and appear together, but I am not.
Often it hurts so much I can hardly bear it.
PLEASE LET ME MOURN

Don't expect too much from me. I will try
to help you know what I can and cannot handle.
Sometimes I am not always sure.
PLEASE LET ME MOURN

Let me talk about my child. I need to talk,
it's part of the healing. Don't pretend nothing
has happened, it hurts terribly when you do.
I love my child very much, and my memories
are all I have now. They are very precious to me.
PLEASE LET ME MOURN

Sometimes I cry and act differently,
but it's all part of grieving. My tears are
necessary and needed and should not be held back.
It even helps when you cry with me.
Please don't fear my tears.
PLEASE LET ME MOURN

What I need most is your friendship, your sympathy,
your prayers, your support, and your understanding love.
I am not the same person I was before my child died
and I never will be again.
Hopefully we can all grow from this tragedy.
PLEASE LET ME MOURN

God gives me the strength to face each day
and the hope that I will survive with His help
and yours. Time will heal some of the pain,
but there will always be an empty place in my heart.
PLEASE LET ME MOURN

And Thank You for helping me through the most
difficult time of my life.

When we ask why?...
Author Unknown

God's purpose and plans, sometimes concealed,
But someday his purpose will be revealed.

Someday God's wisdom will make it very plain,
Why problems were permitted and how he uses his pain.

Things thought illogical, disease, tragedy and fear,
Will someday make sense, when God makes all things clear.

We'll see the Lord's purpose from the Lords point of view,
And we'll know the answer, in way we never knew.

Until we are home with God, some answers must wait,
Until his plan unfolds, we'll live and walk by faith.

LOVING MEMORIES...
Author Unknown

Your gentle face and patient smile
With sadness we recall
You had a kindly word for each
And died beloved by all.

The voice is mute and stills the heart,
That loved us well and true,
Ah, bitter was the trial to part
From one so good as you.

You are not forgotten Brandon,
Nor will you ever be,
As long as life and memory last
We will remember thee.

We miss you now our hearts are sore,
As time goes by we miss you more,
Your loving smile, your gentle face,
We long to see you and embrace.

"The mention of my child's name
May bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring
Music to my ears.

If you are really my friend,
Let me hear the beautiful music
of his name.
It soothes my broken heart
And sings to my soul."
(Author Unknown)

If I could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true
I would pray to God with all my heart
For yesterday and you
A thousand words can't bring you back
I know because I've tried
And neither will a million tears
I know because I've cried
You left behind a broken heart
And happy memories too
I never wanted memories
I only wanted you

A Joy Forever New
(Author Unknown)

Please don't sing sad songs for me
Forget your grief and fears
For I am in a perfect place
Away from pain and tears
I'm far away from hunger
And hurt and want and pride
I have a place in Heaven
With the Good Lord at my side
My life on earth was very good
As earthly lives can go
But Paradise is so much more
Than anyone can know
My heart is filled with happiness
And sweet rejoicing too
To walk with God in perfect peace
A Joy Forever New.

I woke this morning
with thoughts of you

I walked the dog
with thoughts of you

I fed your cats
with thoughts of you

I passed your room
I wept for you

 

Written by Sandy Beshada in Loving Memory of her son Brandon

Those we love don't go away
They walk beside us everyday

When someone we love becomes a memory
Their memory becomes a Treasure